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It seems like only yesterday that I visited the small cramped office of the Pastor. Books, papers and torn envelopes were everywhere you turned and there wasn't much room to turn there. Seemingly warm, welcoming and not patronizing at all; I felt shaky in my fear of having to speak to this man of my troubles, but at ease knowing I was turning to God. Introducing myself to the Pastor I somehow felt as though I were a small child in Sunday School class. He had requested this meeting as the result of my visiting his church services several times within the past month. Someone had knocked on my door to ask me if I were looking for God to be more "present" in my life. I had practically pulled in the door knocker by the sleeve to ask some very personal questions. He in turn invited me to attend his church.
This story is absolutely true as it happened to me in a very small church on the west side of Grand Rapids, Michigan several years ago. The experience was extremely painful and gut wrenching as in the end of my experience I found myself being betrayed, the Pastor siding with my ex-husband in my custody battle and a huge hole in my heart where my faith in God once resided. It wasn't the required elements that were difficult for me as I continued to live with no car, no television, no contact with people outside the membership and no pants for almost two years; but an ever-present fear continued to build up within me. I knew somehow although I didn't want to admit it - that I had joined a cult.
The day I entered that church office, I was pregnant and just getting divorced, but it wasn't my ex-husband's baby. I had been fighting a custody battle with my abusive husband and the person who had called herself my best friend for whom my soon to be ex was living with, working for and practicing parental alienation with. I had no money, just a small upstairs apartment, and no friends to speak of. The subject of friendship was a painful one for me as apparently mentioned above. My husband was born and raised in Grand Rapids and was a police officer. His father has been a sheriff's deputy as well. He had solid connections. I had nothing but the most wonderful and adorable son. My oldest two children i had sent back to Florida to live with their dad as financially I couldn't support three children.
My entire secure life, as abusive as it was had been dissolved into a survivalist adventure of pure anguish and fear. Unfortunately for me, I had been living in a domestic violent relationship since leaving the domestic violence relationships at home with my parents. That's how it works, domestic violence is very generational. This is the first thing to be wary of. If you are a victim of an abusive dominating force in your life - it's your first sign to look out for someone like, "the Pastor" to suck you in.
There are a number of legit religions, so to speak, sects, or belief systems that use a system of cold calling on peoples' doors. They, the door knockers, the Mormons, oftentimes the Jehovah Witnesses, and even the Baptists knock on doors in planned and mapped out order to invite people to visit their church. They use the face to face, friendly hook to get you to attend a church service or to read their literature. When this happened to me, I grabbed the old man by the arm, invited him in for coffee, (which he refused, but did take water) and knew in my mind's eye that the Lord was waiting upstairs in the clouds somewhere for me to make a move towards inviting him into my life. I'd been living a messy life without him and perhaps it was because I hadn't been active in any religion.
When you are a victim of something it's going to be apparent to the door knocker that you are suffering in some kind of distress. The door knocker can be very friendly, asking to help you, (even financially) and bending all kinds of rules to get you to church. Bending rules? This is the second thing to watch for! If you're an addict of some kind, including a smoker or a coffee drinker and the door knocker asks you about your addictions and says, "It's okay for now!" or "We all have vices and the Lord wants us to stop doing these addictive behaviors." Watch out! This is the number two sign that they are in control of you and are bargaining their way into your heart.
In my case, I was:
Pregnant with a baby not my ex-husband's though
I was in a custody fight with my ex-husband
I had no money, no car, no television
I had no family who lived near me, all of them lived thousands of miles away
I had no friends after the divorce
I needed a personal support system
So the Pastor investigated me for a lengthy time of questioning and interrogation until he came up with an answer for me. He would take over my life, but I didn't understand that at all. I just knew that although it sounded slightly "fishy" it had to be okay because I was talking to a "Pastor," who tended a congregation of fundamental bible loving Baptists. The word "fundamental" was another word I needed to pay attention to because fundamentally speaking, the church was run by the Pastor who made up his own rules. I ignored my sixth sense that told me the entire meeting was bull because I was so desperate for help. I needed someone and this is who I had at the present time.
The Pastor set the wheels in motion by introducing me to water baptism and the congregation. He had come up with an acceptable plan and a story for me that would be acceptable for the congregation to come to terms with regarding my "condition." I would be a "widow" in the eyes of the church and therefore it was their job to help me in any way possible. It was biblical as he began his journey of scripture twisting with me, quoting the bible and taking the words completely out of context. I was just so hurt and so naive - I let myself believe him. Please notice that I must take responsibility and hold myself accountable for letting someone fool me.
In most of these types of cults, a water baptism or some kind of ritualistic joining requirement will be put into place. The water baptism took and I spent the afternoon celebrating by talking to my baby's father about what I had decided to do. I was going to join the church and begin to "walk with God." Now I had no reason to worry about a car, a television or a phone. I had an instant support system who came daily to my back door to ring the bell and leave bags of groceries and anything else they had heard through the Pastor that I needed. I also needed a job, so several of the congregation came to me in church to ask if I would consider watching their children full time while they worked. Every need I had was met almost instantly.
In real life things don't work like that. Even with welfare, it's not easy. I ended up having no worries and I felt good reading the bible every day, helping others with their problems and not doing anything that would hurt my custody battle. No more drinking, no more dating, no more anything. I just went to church and asked to help others. I even graduated to door knocking once my baby was born, only to find someone with a baby is at a great advantage with door knocking. Living a Godly life is pleasant. If you're Christ centered and you are living according to the word of God it can be surreal. Being in a cult takes you on a different road. You're following the word of a person on this earth and not the word of God. There is a dictator involved and you must submit. Submission is what he is looking for from you.
I lived two years riding a bicycle to do my laundry or even washing my clothes in my old-fashioned bathtub and hanging them all around the apartment to dry. Wearing a dress all of the time makes you feel feminine, but walking several blocks to church everyday in a dress when it's snowing and raining is difficult. There were no excuses possible beyond contagion of a plague for missing church. I slept through Sunday morning services while the entire congregation listened to me snore because I had acquired a part time job cooking at Denny's third shift. When it was time for my son's hair to be cut, the Pastor would put his hand into his pocket and throw him a five dollar bill to get it cut pronto. He had to see his flock look Godly at all times.
Service work became a demand rather than a request. Seven days a week I went to church for something. I cooked for the men's breakfast prayer meetings early Saturday morning, even with an infant in a papoose on my chest. I went door knocking, cleaning for other members, doing respite work for members who cared for disabled kids, you name it - I did it and while I would never say "no" I didn't enjoy all the work I did. The respite work made me extremely uncomfortable as some of the boys who were taller than I became violent at times. No matter what though, I tithed - which was commanded by God and demanded by the Pastor and went to church seven days a week.
I mentioned in the beginning that the Pastor betrayed me by siding with my ex-husband in the custody battle for my nine year old son. He did that because I had started having friends stop by that he didn't know from work. He had counseled me on this and I had gone against his advice. It was expected that I would only be friendly with people who were directly associated with our church or our congregation. He told me it was dangerous to bring in other people. He and his wife began to tell certain high members of the church to spy on me to see if I was disobeying him on this front. I was and he dealt with me swiftly and sorely. He asked me to stop coming to church.
It was heartbreaking to lose my entire support system, but the lies had continued on throughout my two year stay beginning with the fact that I was a widow. How could a widow be in a custody fight with a husband? He forgot and questions emerged. In his paralyzing realization of what he had begun, he pulled out all of the stops and began demanding sex from the single women in the congregation. It had been his plan to have sex with all of them. But he found a bitter ending to his story. He was removed finally from the congregation as soon as the sexual side of his nature became known.
In all... lies are never okay where religion is concerned. We must have convicted beliefs in our thoughts concerning religion. Watch out because there are always wolves in sheep's clothing amongst the masses when times are hard. Look out and investigate the church you are considering joining. As for credentials and ask other members about how submissive they must become to be a member.
Lastly, if you family states you are sounding like you belong to a cult - listen to them. Stop what you are doing and get a professional opinion from a counselor or another Pastor or Preacher from another church. It's so important to not deny what your loved ones think. They aren't being driven by a mind bending Pastor who twists scriptures and makes up his own rules. Be careful out there. It can surely traumatize you to be caught up in a cult.
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